


On Wings of Blue

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M, Modern AU, hospital au, this is gonna be like the first angsty erejean thing ive ever written omfg
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-11-03
Packaged: 2018-02-04 17:44:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1787590
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Eren Jaeger learns to walk, and Jean Kirschtein learns to fly.</p><p> </p><p>  <strong>Please note: this fic is officially discontinued, and will be orphaned. However, the idea may be used in later fics of mine, most likely in other fandoms.</strong></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> okay okay this is probably the first sad erejean thing i've ever written, BUT i promise its not all that bad ok???
> 
> i might update this a little sporadically for the next couple weeks (im on vacation and dont always have internet) but im getting home at the end of the month and it should be a little more regular after that
> 
> this isn't beta'd, sorry

Eren groaned and opened his eyes slowly, blinking away the haze that settled over the crisp white room. He reached out his arms, stretching forward and letting out a satisfied sigh at the subsequent pop of his bones. The sheets covering his legs had been straightened and tucked back underneath the mattress at some point in the night, and there was a fresh glass of water on the table next to him. He smiled and silently thanked his sister. A card sat next to it, with scrawling handwriting covering both the outside and inside. He couldn’t see any names, but he knew it was from his friends at school. They sent a card over with Mikasa and Armin every week. Sure enough, that was Connie’s chicken scratch decorating the front of the card, along with a crudely drawn stick figure Eren holding a balloon to match.

The water was cool against his scratchy throat as he gulped it down in a matter of seconds, soothing the dryness that came with sleep. As he set down his glass, he glanced over at the clock on the table. 9:42. Not terribly late, he figured, but late enough that he should probably go down to the cafeteria before all the breakfast items had been cleared away and replaced by lunch. He stretched again, reaching his hand up to press the button a couple feet above his head. A low buzz came, followed by one of the nurses that worked on his floor in the morning. _Petra_ , he thought fondly. She was his favorite, mostly because she would slip him candies that she had taken from the staff room. She waved to him, smiling brightly and pushing a wheelchair in front of her. He smiled back and sat up straighter, untucking the neat covers and straightening the ridiculous gown he wore. He tried flexing his toes instinctively, and didn’t try to stop the wave of disappointment that came with the unsuccessful attempt.

Petra came around to the side of the bed and opened the wheelchair before helping Eren situate himself in it. She lifted his legs gingerly and bent them at the knee, placing his feet on the footrests so they looked natural. She knew he would grumble otherwise. Eren shifted himself a bit, trying to fix the hospital gown so he wouldn’t feel his bare back against the leather of the seat.

“Tell me again, when can I wear my own clothes?”

Petra smiled sweetly before responding with her usual retort. “When you can change into them yourself.” She began to wheel him out of the room. “Breakfast, right?”

“Wait wait, let me get presentable first.” She hummed in assent, pushing him into the bathroom and stepping out to give him a bit of privacy. Eren stared at his reflection in the mirror, thanking whoever built the room that they had put it low enough that he could still use the sink comfortably while sitting down. _Then again_ , he thought, _this is a hospital_. He leaned forward and splashed some water on his hair to tame his bedhead and looked around for his toothbrush. He tried to fix his hair and brush his teeth at the same time, failing spectacularly at both before giving up and settling for doing one at a time. He made a mental note to apologize to Petra afterwards.

He wheeled himself over to sit in front of the toilet - no matter what Petra and the other nurses said, he didn't need someone to push him everywhere - and pulled himself out of the chair to sit on it. He could do this much alone, he wasn't about to let Petra or anyone else help him go to the goddamn _bathroom_. It was a pride thing, he supposed. He washed his hands when he was done and wheeled himself out of the bathroom. Petra was fixing his bed, and smiled back at him when he came out.

“You all set?” She asked brightly. He nodded, and she set the pillow down on his bed and went back to pushing him out of the room. The hallway wasn't very busy this time of the morning, but that was normal. Petra and Aruo were the only two nurses on this floor before noon, taking care of the five patients in the wing. Needless to say, it was a very quiet place to stay, which Eren was thankful for. He waved at Aruo as they passed by and Aruo waved back, but Eren was pretty sure it was more for Petra than for him. He was okay with that. They got into the elevator at the end of the hall, and Petra pushed the ground floor button.

The cafeteria was busier than Eren had expected, full of medical students from the university. They must have been catching breakfast before a class or something, Eren figured, because he had never seen that many people in one place after 10:30. Petra pushed him over to the counter and he grimaced, finally realizing how hungry he was after seeing the food. He ordered himself a simple omelette and a carton of milk, not wanting to rack up too high of a bill even though he knew it would be paid without question. Petra ordered her food and they retreated to one of the empty tables in the dining area to eat and talk a bit.

“I think someone new is moving into the floor today,” she said between bites of her food. “Taking over the room between you and Marco.”

Eren wasn't too fazed by this news, people moved in and out of the floor all the time. He, Marco, and a girl named Annie - who had apparently been in a coma for months, so no one had ever met her - were the only long-term residents. Still, Eren asked his usual question. “Is he staying?”

“I think he is, for a while anyway.” That surprised him. “I’m sure you’ll meet him soon. Maybe he’ll be there by the time we go back.”

“And you still won’t let me wear my own clothes,” he joked. “Not even now that I have people I need to impress?”

Petra laughed, a bubbly sound that made Eren chuckle along with her. “You? Impress someone? You've never cared about that before.” They both laughed, and Eren was happy that it was Petra that had come to help him instead of Aruo. Aruo was always sort of off-putting, even though Eren couldn't put his finger on the reason why. Either way, he liked Petra better without a doubt. They finished the rest of their meal with friendly banter like usual, and it didn't seem like long at all before Petra was throwing away their paper plates and utensils and wheeling Eren back towards the elevator.

Aruo wasn't behind the desk when they arrived on the fifth floor, which was strange considering Eren had never seen him do a single bit of work in the whole three months he had been in the hospital. He heard Aruo's voice, though, coming from the open doorway next to Eren's.

“You can keep all your stuff here,” Eren heard. That was Aruo's voice, alright. “Just keep it clean. The doctors don’t really like mess, and its less for us to clean up when we do our rounds.”

“Whatever, not like I have a whole lot anyway.” That was definitely not Aruo's voice. It sounded younger, more worn. “Is there any water around here?” Eren found himself wondering who had taken the room between him and Marco.

He got his answer in the form of a boy stumbling out of the room, clad in a messily tied hospital gown. His hair was brown on the sides and blonde on the top, leaving Eren wondering which color was natural. He had about ten different shades of purple underneath his hazel eyes, and his cheeks sunk in just the tiniest bit. He seemed lean at first glance, but a look at his face showed that he was not so much lean as simply gaunt. He paused and looked at the pair coming out of the elevator, giving Eren the once-over and sneering before walking off to the water dispenser. _Stupid fucking wheelchair_ , Eren thought, not for the first time. Irritation sparked as he watched his new floormate stalk off.

“That’s Jean,” Petra said, but her words didn't fully register. Eren blinked and shook his head.

“Sorry, what?”

“Jean,” she repeated. “He’s the one I mentioned earlier.” Eren nodded, and they started off again towards his room. Petra rolled up next to the bed once again, helping Eren out of the wheelchair and into the freshly changed bedsheets. “Doctor Smith is coming at three to check up on your progress, and don’t forget you have physical therapy at four-thirty.” Eren nodded. “Alright then, just ring if you need anything.” Another nod from Eren, a smile from Petra. With that, she took the wheelchair and left.

As the door swung shut, Eren caught another glimpse of the haggard boy that Petra had called Jean.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He's not like Eren. Not in the slightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry i have absolutely no idea how hospitals work. none at all. do you wear your hospital gown around all the time?? do patients eat in the cafeteria??? i dont know dont ask me
> 
> my moms a nurse so i feel like i should know but i honestly have no idea

Dr. Smith showed up promptly at three, clipboard in hand and white coat swishing with every step he took. The click of the door closing coincided with the chime of the clock, which Eren would have thought was strange if it hadn’t happened every time his doctor came to visit. The man was just creepily punctual. Eren admired that, even if it was a little eerie.

Well, eerie might not have been the right word to describe Dr. Erwin Smith. Eren was a little awed, to be honest, by the aura of sheer power and command that came off the doctor. He was convinced Smith should have ended up in the military, he just seemed like a natural-born leader. Still, Eren wasn't complaining. He didn't think anyone could ensure his safety like Dr. Smith could, and that says a lot when you’re hospitalized for months.

“How are you feeling, Eren?” The smile on his face was genuine, however small, and Eren relaxed a little in that knowledge. Something about the doctor made him ease up a little, but he didn't really know why. Maybe it was the way he acted so fatherly, more so than Eren's actual dad had ever been. He grimaced. Best not to think about that, maybe.

“I’m alright,” Eren responded. “They don’t hurt,” he gestured to his legs, “But that’s probably because of all the meds. Or maybe I really am paralyzed.”  _Wouldn't be surprised_ , he thought. _It’s probably more than I can hope for_.

“You’re not paralyzed,” Erwin cut in sharply. Eren was a little surprised at his tone of voice, the kind doctor never snapped outside of the operating room. He flinched back, and Erwin’s face softened. “Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,” He said, running a hand through his neat blonde hair. “It’s just been a rough day, what with Jean coming in as well. Petra said you met him.”

“I wouldn't say we really met, but yeah, I saw the guy.”

Erwin nodded. “He’s definitely a case, but one I hope Dr. Zoe can handle on her own. She’s better at that kind of thing.” He paused as a noise came from outside, then looked back at his clipboard. “Anyway, no, you’re not paralyzed. Damn lucky, too. If you’d been a little later coming here you very well might have been.” He scribbled something. “No, no. Your legs are just out of commission for a bit, we have to let the muscles heal themselves. That car certainly did a number on you.”

Eren shrank at the memory, and Erwin gave him an apologetic look. “So,” Eren said once he had regained his composure, “Is there more testing today?” The doctor smiled and shook his head.

“No, just more therapy. I just came in to make sure you were doing alright.” He smiled at called out to Petra, who came in with Eren's wheelchair. She waved at him before walking around to the side of the bed and helping Eren into it again. He tried to reach for the wheels, but she held his wrists.

“What, can’t I push myself?”

“No can do, kid,” Petra replied. “Not until Levi approves it, and you know that.” Eren sighed. Knowing his bastard of a physical therapist, he wouldn't be allowed to wheel himself around the hospital until he could already walk. Reluctantly, he withdrew and let Petra push him out of the room. Erwin waved goodbye as they left, following after them and walking the opposite direction back to his office.

As they walked down the hall, Marco’s door opened and the freckled boy came out. He smiled at Eren, his one good eye crinkling cheerfully around the edges. No matter how many times Eren saw him, he could never get used to Marco’s appearance. The left half of his body was marred by scars and burns, a little gift from the burning tree that had fallen on him. His left arm was all but useless, his hand dangling limply from the sling that hung around his neck. His hands and arm were bandaged tightly with pristine white gauze, but evidence of his wounds still showed on his bare fingers, neck, and face. Despite all he had endured, though, Marco still remained the happiest person Eren had ever met. It was almost unsettling.

Still, Eren returned the smile and gave him a little wave as they passed by. They stopped at the reception desk, Petra turning to talk to Aruo, and Marco came over to Eren. “Physical therapy again?” Eren nodded, a little irritated but unable to stay mad at the cheerful boy. Marco just had this constantly optimistic personality that rubbed off on everyone he talked to. “Seems like it’s working,” he said, gesturing to Eren's legs. “You look stronger, anyway.”

“Don’t really know,” Eren said. “I can’t feel them.”

“Probably just the anesthetic. After all, they've got you in therapy for a reason.” Marco smiled again, and Eren grunted in agreement. Petra walked back to them, finished with her conversation with Aruo. _What’s up with them, anyway?_ She took hold of Eren's wheelchair once more, and Eren waved goodbye. Marco raised his good hand in farewell, and Petra and Eren disappeared into the elevator. She pressed the button for the second floor, and the doors began to close.

“Wait, wait, hold it!” a voice called, just before a hand stuck its way between the elevator doors. They closed around the hand for a split second before re-opening, drawing a curse from whoever was on the other side. As soon as the opening was wide enough, another person slid his way into the elevator beside Eren. Eren looked up and pulled a face at the newcomer.

“Oh great,” Eren muttered, “it’s you.”

Petra shot him a look. “Be nice, Eren, it’s just an elevator ride.”

The boy looked down at Eren as if noticing him for the first time. “Great, I’m stuck in here with the goddamn  _paraplegic_. Should've just waited for the next lift.” Eren looked accusingly at Petra, who just sighed.

“That goes for you too, Jean.”

The ride downstairs was short and uncomfortably silent, Jean and Eren pointedly avoiding each other. Jean stood awkwardly in one corner of the little metal box, toying with nails impatiently. The second the doors groaned open on the second floor, Jean scurried out like hell itself was after him. Eren lifted his head to watch him go, irritation showing plain on his face. Petra patted his back soothingly.

“He’s just new and scared,” she said softly. “He needs some time to adjust. Maybe you two could be friends.”

“He called me a fucking paraplegic,” Eren muttered angrily. Petra laughed a little and began to push him out of the elevator, clipping the door with the footrest and making Eren grimace at the harsh sound of metal on metal. As he rolled into the hall, he caught a glimpse of Jean turning the corner and pulled a face.

“You know, you two aren’t all that different,” Petra said cheerfully. Eren whipped around as much as his legs would allow and glared at her. She was frankly sure that if looks could kill, she would be immobile on the floor, but she just shrugged and smiled sweetly. “What? It’s not that hard to believe, is it?”

Eren grumbled but turned back around, letting Petra wheel him the rest of the way to Levi’s room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look im actually getting things done :o


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi doesn't scare Eren. Not at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THAT IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE D: ive been in europe for the past few weeks and whatever internet ive had has been finicky at best :c BUT im back in the states now (with my sweet sweet blessed wifi) and ill be able to update more regularly!
> 
> my tumblr is kirschteinvevo if u wanna talk to me or something! (but i usually answer the comments i get on here so whatevers easier for u ovo)

Levi was the kind of guy that scared Eren to bits, and Eren liked to think that not much scared him. That wasn’t really true, of course (except maybe in his own mind), but that didn’t change the fact that Levi was one terrifying man. As Petra pushed Eren into the brightly lit - but sparsely furnished - room, he nodded at her and adjusted his cravat. Yes, his cravat. Eren had yet to find a single other person on the face of the earth that unironically wore a cravat to work every single day, but somehow his physical therapist managed to pull it off with minimal commentary from his acquaintances. That may have been because of the strong ‘fuck off’ vibe that he gave off constantly, but maybe that was just Eren being biased.

Petra made to help Eren out of his wheelchair, but Levi flicked his wrist and she backed away. “That’s fine, don’t worry about it.” She nodded and left, waving a goodbye to Eren, who returned it half-heartedly. The door shut loudly behind her, and Levi moved to circle Eren’s wheelchair predatorily. He grunted, sounding displeased, and Eren raised an eyebrow at him. “This is the same thing you wore last time,” he offered by way of explanation. Eren would have laughed, if he wasn’t so intimidated.

“It’s uh-” he looked down at his unflattering periwinkle hospital gown. “I’m not actually allowed to wear anything except hospital gowns, seeing as I can’t actually dress myself yet.”

“You can today,” Levi said suddenly. Eren blinked, not really understanding him. “Let’s get you standing today. We can work on walking next time.”

“I don’t think I can-”

“Nope. Don’t say that, because then you won’t actually be able to do it.” Eren hesitated, then nodded in response. That was another thing about Levi, he was oddly motivating when he wanted to be. “Good. Now come over here.” He moved to stand at one end of the room, and Eren awkwardly ran his hands over the wheels of his chair before inching himself over to where the short man waited. “Not fast enough,” Levi said, “go back and try it again.” Eren sighed but didn’t argue, this time putting more effort into getting himself to Levi’s side. He was panting a little by the time he crossed the room, not quite used to pushing himself around.

“That good?” he asked, not really wanting to go back.

“No. Again.” Eren stifled the groan that was rising in his throat and wheeled himself across the room and back again, panting but managing to complete the action in a matter of seconds. Levi shook his head.

“Again.” Eren sighed.

“Again.”

“Again.”

“Again.”

Eren’s arms were aching after half an hour of spinning the metal wheels of his chair, and when he made it back to Levi for what could have been the hundredth time, he looked up - he didn’t have to stretch his neck much, Levi was almost as short standing as Eren was sitting down - at the older man. “You’re ruthless, has anyone ever told you that?” he grumbled, pouting just the slightest bit and rubbing his throbbing arms for effect. Levi was unamused as always, not even offering Eren the courtesy of a smile.

“It’s my job. Again.” Eren made a show of turning around, flexing his fingers and groaning in an attempt to sway Levi. When he showed no signs of being moved, Eren gave up and wheeled himself across the room and back again. Levi was looking at his phone when Eren returned to his side, and Eren bit back a scathing remark when Levi looked down at him. “Less than thirty seconds. Congratulations.”

“Congratulations,” Eren repeated, tilting his head to the side. “For what?”

“You don’t have to trouble the nurses every time you need to take a shit anymore.” Levi smirked, the closest thing to a smile Eren had seen from him all day, and pulled a scrap of paper and a pen from his pocket. He scribbled something down on it, muttering as he did so. “You’re free to wheel yourself around this shithole of a hospital now, good job.”

Eren couldn’t help letting out an irritated scoff. “Three months and this is all it took to push myself around? Fuck, Levi, I could have done this the week after surgery,” he spit out. Levi didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow at his outburst, just clicked the nib of his pen back in and held the paper out to Eren.

“Formalities,” he responded simply, and Eren had to swallow a bitter laugh. _This paper has a coffee stain on it and he’s talking to me about formalities?_ “Don’t complain, I could just have Petra push you around for another three months. Or maybe Aruo. I know you like him so much.” That shut Eren up, and he gripped the paper tight before folding it in half twice.

“You said I’d be able to stand today.”

“Fuck, kid, you thought I was serious?” Levi barked out a laugh. “You couldn’t push yourself around until now and you thought you could get up already?” He shook his head. “No, you won’t be standing for another month at least. Dressing yourself, though…” He trailed off, curling a lip at Eren’s hospital gown and gesturing to the paper. “Petra can help you. Or one of the male nurses, if you’re more comfortable with that. Don’t let me catch you in that disgusting thing again. And take a shower, for god’s sake. You reek like the back end of a horse.” Eren nodded, not really wanting to argue.

“So is that it then?”

“Jesus, no,” Levi replied. “You haven’t even been here for an hour yet. We just have to wait for your painkillers to wear off before we can work on your legs.” He walked to his desk and sat down, leaning back and propping his feet up on the desk. Eren just toyed awkwardly with his wheels, rocking his chair back and forth for a good few moments before Levi sighed. “You don’t have to be so uncomfortable, shit. It’s not like this is your first time here.” It didn’t do much to ease Eren’s nerves, seeing as it was Levi himself that put Eren on edge. The older man seemed to realize this, and settled for sighing and taking his feet off of his desk. “Suit yourself. Just tell me when you can move your toes again.”

Eren nodded and moved himself over to the other end of the room, pulling his phone from where it sat pressed against his thigh and sending a quick message to Mikasa.

 

**To: Mikasa**

got cleared to push myself around and wear my own clothes. think you can bring some of my stuff over?

 

The reply was almost instantaneous, which surprised Eren considering Mikasa was supposed to be in the middle of class. She wasn’t really one to risk getting caught by a teacher, but Eren supposed there was a reason she was using her phone. He didn’t question it, though, just opened the messages.

 

**From: Mikasa**

Sounds good. I’ll be by tonight.

 

Eren smiled and put down his phone, testing his toes and wheeling himself over to Levi’s desk when he found he could move them. As Levi began coaching him through his usual stretches and warmups, he felt his phone vibrate and checked the message.

 

**From: Mikasa**

Oh, and congratulations, Eren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :o sorry sorry this was kind of a filler chapter but jeans coming back soon i promise


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren isn't cut out for taking care of himself, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it took so long to get this chapter up, i hope you all enjoy it!

Eren's newfound freedom was weird, to say the least. It was hard for him to get used to wandering the hospital alone after being pushed around by Petra or Aruo (or Mike, god forbid he had to use the restroom in the middle of the night) for months. He idly scratched at the fabric on his legs, the thick denim pants almost uncomfortable after the hospital gowns he had worn for so long, and stared out the window.

The sky was overcast, clouds blocking out the sun with vast rolls of gray and white. The window was shut tight, not even the slightest draft allowed through, but Eren could imagine what the air outside smelled like. He closed his eyes, imagining the thick scent of rain and the wet chill that promised a storm. When he and Mikasa were children, they would go out when the weather was like this, taking shelter in their little hut in the woods behind their house. Eren remembered how Mikasa would always bring the blankets he had forgotten, and how they would draw pictures in the dirt floor of their little hideaway as they watched the rain pour.

There was no hideaway here though, not here in the miles and miles of white tiled hallways and the nauseating stench of chemicals and latex that always came with hospitals. He wished, not for the first time or the last, that he wasn’t trapped in that damn wheelchair. He tried to stretch out his leg, kick his foot, do _anything_ , but was met with nothing but the usual chill of disappointment and slight wiggle of his toes. It had been months since the initial surgery, and Eren was still aching for some results. He hated being confined, being forced to do things a certain way because he couldn’t even fucking _stand_ on his own.

He heaved a weighty sigh and wheeled himself out of the room.

 

There was an elevator on the very end of the wing that Eren had never used before, mainly because Petra and Aruo had never mentioned it and he wasn’t really that curious to begin with. He had figured it was just another elevator that led to the other floors of the hospital, and he had just never used it. Despite all that, though, he was struck with the sudden urge to make sure it was just what it seemed, not hiding some secret to the hospital that Eren had spent the better part of three months mentally mapping. He supposed that was just a testament to what had happened to his head in the time he had been trapped in this spotless prison.

“Eren,” Aruo barked, effectively stopping the boy in his tracks before he could reach the metal doors. “I thought Petra told you not to use that elevator. It just goes up to the roof, no one’s allowed up there anyway.”

Eren racked his brains, trying to think of a time Petra had ever mentioned the other elevator. “Must not have come up,” he said, “Sorry.”

Still, he couldn’t help but think about it as he pushed himself over to the other lift, stomach growling as he realized just how hungry he was. He grimaced as he clipped his wheelchair on the metal door, tucking himself neatly into the corner of the box and pressing the second floor button. The speaker on the roof dinged, and the door began to slide shut before a foot wedged itself between the closing panels. A disgruntled looking Jean stepped in, hair looking messy and top two buttons of his shirt undone. Eren stifled a snicker, and Jean looked over at him.

“What, is this gonna become a habit with you?” Eren asked, looking him up and down. “Stepping last minute into an elevator when I’m _oh so conveniently_ already in here?”

“Shut up, Jaeger,” Jean rebutted. He crossed his arms and looked up at the ceiling. Eren put up his hands in surrender.

“Alright, alright. Princess is cranky today, I get it.”

“I said _shut up_!”

Eren just laughed.

“God, I can’t believe I’m in here with the paraplegic again,” Jean mumbled, more to himself than to Eren. The other boy stiffened, joking manner long gone.

“You know, you don’t have to be such an asshole all the time,” he shot.

“Oh, and you’re the perfect example of a morally upstanding citizen?”

“At least I don’t insult invalids. Why the hell are you in here anyway? You look perfectly fine to me.”

Jean narrowed his eyes. “That’s none of your fucking business, _Jaeger_ ,” he spit.

“Suit yourself,” Eren replied. “But it wouldn’t kill you to be a little nice once in a while, would it?”

“With this fucking heart, it might,” Jean mumbled, just loud enough for Eren to understand. Eren stopped at that, tilting his head.

“...Is that why you’re here?” His voice was devoid of the fire it usually held, and Eren could see the surprise on Jean’s face. There was silence for a few moments, and Eren was ready to drop the subject, but Jean nodded.

“Yeah. Irregular heart palpitations. I’m staying here for monitoring. Doctor said about a year, unless I get a transplant.” His tone suggested there was more, and Eren wasn’t about to let their first real conversation drop like that.

“But?”

“But nothing,” Jean said. “My dad doesn’t care enough about me to pay for it and Mom’s working three jobs as it is; a transplant isn’t going to happen. I just have to hope I don’t get worse. Or maybe I should hope I do, if I’m gonna die anyway I might as well make it quick.”

“Is that really how you see yourself?”

Jean shrugged. “There’s not much else. I’m a heart attack waiting to happen.”

The elevator dinged one more time, and the doors opened onto the second floor. Jean didn’t dart away this time, instead letting Eren wheel himself out first before following behind. He started off in the same direction as Eren, making the other boy turn to look at him.

_You know_ , Eren thought, _he isn’t half bad. Kinda coarse, though. Rude asshole._

Eren looked back at Jean, who was staring pointedly out the window at the overcast sky.

_Fuck it._

“Are you getting lunch?” Eren asked. Jean looked at him, a little surprised that he was still there but not saying anything about it.

“Yeah,” he said, picking up his pace so he was a little closer to Eren.

_Here goes nothing._

“Come eat with me,” Eren said, inwardly cursing himself. Thinking about it, though, he wasn’t really sure why he didn’t like Jean. Sure, he was a little abrasive, but Eren was no angel either.

Jean nodded.

“...Yeah. Yeah, that sounds nice.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jean isn't as bad as Eren thought he was.
> 
> Or, yknow, maybe Eren's just not as good as he thought he was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay okay first things first, a huge huge thank you to AK (tumblr user [mikoshibabies](http://mikoshibabies.tumblr.com)) for all the encouragement they've given me regarding this fic, everything they said lifted my spirits so much and ive gotten like a renewed love for this fic so!!!! thank you dearie!!!!!
> 
> SECONDLY im gonna be cranking out fics like mad for the next week probably, im trying to finish up or make headway on everything i can before i go to the bahamas next saturday! (its gonna be fun omg omg)
> 
> THIRD i apologize if im not very active for long periods of time and then super active for short periods of time after i come back from the bahamas, i have a super secret surprise that im working on that i hope all of you will at least check out for me when im done with it!

The cafeteria was usually noisy, full of med students rushing to get a meal before their next class, but Eren had found that it was almost always empty at three in the afternoon. He wasn’t sure why that was, but he decided not to question it.  After all, he had never been one to turn down a little peace and quiet.

It was three-thirty when Eren wheeled himself through the  heavy automatic doors leading to the hospital cafeteria. He could get food up in his room, he knew, but the food they served the patients was almost always bland and tasteless. He much preferred it here, where the med students - and himself - had their pick of just about anything they wanted. Besides, if he was going to be here for a year he might as well enjoy it.

Jean followed him into the line, hanging back just a few paces and looking around at the food lining the walls.  Eren got the feeling that he had never been in here, despite having been at the hospital for the better part of a week. He wheeled himself down the line, grabbing a tray and heaping food onto it with all the gusto of a starving animal. The main course was lasagna today, Eren let out a small groan of satisfaction. He made a mental note to bring Sasha and Connie here one day. They came to visit about two or three times a month, Connie raiding the vending machines and Sasha raiding the cafeteria before smuggling their loot into Eren’s room for the visit. Eren chuckled at the memory.

“Something funny, Jaeger?” Jean muttered from behind him. Eren turned his head to see the taller boy nervously clutching the tray, knuckles paling against the dark brown plastic and a lone cup of yogurt sitting before him. He noticed for the first time just how deep-set his eyes were, how sunken and hollow his cheeks were. Shadows dusted the sides of his face where skin dipped into itself, making him look gaunt and worn. Eren wheeled his chair around, a difficult feat while trying to balance a lunch tray on his lap, and dumped half of his food onto Jean’s barren tray. Jean just stared at it.

“You’re eating.”

“I can’t afford this.” Jean moved to put back the lasagna, but Eren reached up and slapped his hand away.

“I can, and I’m paying.” Eren turned his chair back around, picking up another container of lasagna to replace the one he had given Jean. Jean followed as Eren inched forward, pulling snacks off of the shelves lining the walls and distributing them evenly between himself and Jean. By the time they reached the register, both trays were piled sky-high with every digestible food item Eren could get his hands on. He flashed a card when they passed by the register, and the girl standing behind the counter just waved them through and muttered something about a bill.

Eren led Jean to a table near the back of the room, next to one of the massive floor-to ceiling windows that lined the dining hall. There was no one but them there, but Eren still opted for the table furthest away from the rest. As he set down his tray, he groaned out an exasperated, “Why the fuck don’t booths have wheelchair options,” which was met by a snicker from Jean.

“Paraplegic,” he muttered under his breath, but his hoarse voice held none of its usual bite. Eren hummed in assent, pushing himself comfortably up to the table and digging into his food. Jean stood to the side for a few moments, shifting his weight from foot to foot and glancing around the empty room. Eren looked up and noticed Jean’s hesitation, snickering and pulling out the chair next to him.

“It’s a table, Jean, sit the fuck down.”

That seemed to snap Jean out of his thoughts, and he walked around the table to sit across from Eren. “I’m not sitting next to you, man. That’s awkward.”

Eren shrugged. “Suit yourself.”

They sat and ate in relative silence, not really making conversation aside from the occasional comments of “Sauce on your face” (from Jean) and “You eat like a horse, dude” (from Eren). Eren almost hated how comfortable it felt; he had more or less sworn off making any friends during his time here. Eventually he would leave, and they would too. Unless they died first. Eren tried not to think about that too much. No one he knew was really in any danger, except for maybe Annie. Eren had never talked to her, though, and he had only ever seen her a handful of times. It was kind of hard to be friends with someone in a coma. Marco was an exception. Marco was doing the exact same thing Eren was, healing, and they both understood that they would part ways eventually. It didn’t trouble Eren much, even if Marco was the nicest person he had ever met.

Jean was different, though. Eren didn’t know much about people, but even he could tell that Jean avoided friendships for an entirely different reason.  Eren, being the stubborn asshole he was, found that it only made him want to know more about Jean.

So he put down his fork, swallowing the food in his mouth and looking up at Jean.

“What, uh-” _Smooth_. “What does your mom do?”

Jean looked up from his tray, eyes widening and shoulders stiffening in surprise. He choked down his bite, coughing a bit. “What?”

“Your mom,” Eren said, slower this time. “What does she do? Like, for work and stuff.”

Jean seemed more prepared to respond this time, looking out the window behind Eren’s head and setting down his fork. “Anything she can, I guess. Odd jobs, tailoring, babysitting. She’s good at stuff like that. Likes kids.” He paused, looking like he had more to say, before thinking better of it and shutting his mouth.

“What about your dad?”

Jean gripped the table, knuckles whitening for the smallest instant before relaxing again. “Dunno. Left when I was five.”

“Shit,” Eren muttered, backtracking. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s chill,” Jean cut in. “I’m not that torn up about it. He was kind of an asshole. What about you?”

“What about me what?”

“Your parents, dumbass.”

It was Eren’s turn to stiffen as images flashed through his head.

_His mother, smiling in the doorway when he came home from school._

_His mother, tugging at his ear when she had caught him copying Mikasa’s homework._

_His mother, laughing and snapping a picture of Eren, his brand new driver’s license held up in pride._

_His mother, tired and worn on the phone as she asked Eren to pick her up from work._

_His mother, slumped halfway over the hood of his car, shards of his windshield sticking up through bloodied and torn patches of her dress._

_His mother, eyes glassy and mouth still open in a scream that had been cut off, staring at Eren even as his vision faded._

“They’re, uh…”

_His father, brows furrowed and furious as Eren’s cheek stung with the slap he had just delivered._

_His father, hatred for his son blazing in his eyes, for the boy that lived when his wife should have._

_His father, stone-faced as he told Eren that he wouldn’t be visiting, he would pay any expenses but he never wanted to see his son’s face again._

“They’re not that important.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this chapter, let me know what you thought!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> constellations? gay? what are u talking abt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look whos doing things again omg its me
> 
> i promise i promise this fic isnt discontinued, im just super lazy and forget to update then i get ideas for other fics and honestly its just one huge mess. i s2g i have like five fics in progress rn.
> 
> anyway, enjoy!

Eren didn’t know if it would serve as a blessing or a curse, but after that day he and Jean began to spend quite a bit more time together. Petra commented on it one night as she straightened up Eren’s bed, letting a casual “I told you Jean wasn’t that bad,” slip as she smoothed down the sheets. Eren grunted in reply, neither confirming nor denying, and wheeled himself over to the open doorway. “Where you headed, kid?” Petra called after him. “It’s late and my shift ends soon, don’t get lost.”

“I’m just getting some air,” Eren called over his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Petra hummed but didn’t press it, so Eren continued on into the dim hallway. It was empty, silent save for the turn of pages as MIke read a magazine behind the reception counter. Mike was usually the only nurse on duty at night (Eren made sure not to need anything between the hours of 10 pm and 5 am, Mike was quite possibly the creepiest person he had ever met), and he didn’t really care much for what the patients in the wing did as long as they were staying out of trouble. Eren glanced over at him; he was thoroughly engrossed in whatever article he was reading. It seemed safe enough, so he wheeled himself down the slick, tiled hall towards the roof elevator.

He forced himself into the small box with some difficulty, the elevator being quite a bit smaller than the one he used to get down to Levi’s office and the cafeteria. It was probably for maintenance, Eren figured, that must have been why they didn’t want patients using it. There was just barely room for him to stretch out his arms after his wheelchair was situated, and he was thankful that he was already on the top floor of the hospital. The heavy metal doors grated shut with a _ding_ , and a single lonely light blinked on the display as Eren began his ascent to the roof.

The first thing Eren realized when he rolled himself out of the elevator was that he wasn’t alone. On the far end of the roof he could see the silhouette of a person, hunched over with their legs dangling over the stone lip. He wheeled himself closer, wincing slightly when his chair squeaked. The person at the edge of the roof looked up, startled, and Eren stared back at him.

“Jean,” he said, mostly because he wasn’t sure what else he could say. “What are you doing out here?”

“Could ask you the same thing, y’know.”

“Guess you’re right.”

Eren rolled closer, coming to a halt at the lip of the roof where Jean was sitting. He looked up at the sky, hazy with pollution but beautiful nonetheless.

“You know,” Jean said after a moment of silence, “I used to know all these constellations.” He pointed up at the sky, up to the stars that were masked by clouds of smog. Eren followed the line of his finger, out to where one lone star twinkled through the haze.

“Oh yeah?”

Jean nodded, lips twitching up into a small smile. “Orion should be right about…there.” He moved his finger off to Eren’s left, pointing up at where three stars formed a straight line in the sky. “That’s Sirius, the Dog Star,” he continued, pointing at a big blue star. “And that,” he pointed at something that looked vaguely like a pot, “is the Big Dipper.”

Eren just stared, looked up and saw more stars with every second. He could feel Jean’s eyes on him, burning a hole through Eren’s cool facade. “Where’d you learn all this, anyway?”

“My mom was a huge astronomy buff,” Jean replied. “Back when we lived in the mountains, she would take me out at night and tell me all about the stars.”

“Mmm,” Eren hummed, not really sure what to say to that.

They sat in silence, a quiet companionable feeling between them. Eren found himself wondering why there had been so much animosity between them in the first place, why he had insisted on hating Jean when it was clear he was no more than a scared kid in a new environment, just as Eren had been. Petra had been right, they were more alike than Eren could have ever thought, and still they were polar opposites.

“It’s cold,” Eren mumbled, even though it wasn’t really that cold. It was more to himself than to Jean, but Jean still turned to look at him.

“Should have brought a jacket then, asshole.”

“I’m already wearing a jacket, stupid.”

“Should have brought a heavier jacket.”

They were chuckling now, quiet laughs lost in the thick air of the night. Eren felt a sort of weightless freedom in his chest, something he hadn’t experienced since before his mother’s death. Idly, he wondered if Jean was the same way.

Although he couldn’t be, Eren supposed, not when he was sure he had a ticking time bomb in his chest.

They returned to the elevator after a while, once the moon had reached and passed its zenith, cramming themselves into the little metal box. It was a tight fit, and Jean’s leg was pressed uncomfortably against the arm of Eren’s wheelchair, but it was better than one waiting out in the cold. Besides, they were never a pair for relinquishing ground, neither would ever lose to the other (even just in trying to get to their respective rooms first).

Mike didn’t even raise his head as the two stepped into the hallway, heading quietly into their rooms for the night. The clock against the wall ticked on, the hour hand fixed firmly at the black 1 on its face.

Eren waved to Jean before closing his door, even though he was sure Jean couldn’t see him.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading!!!! comments and kudos are always appreciated c:


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